For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. - Psalm 139:13-14



I've never been a fan of those books where the author drops you right in the middle of some conversation or storyline, with little to no back story. However, today's post may feel a little bit that way. I apologize in advance and hope to give you more of an update on our family in the near future.

But here's where I am today...

This morning while getting ready for work I found out that my friend and former neighbor Brittani gave birth to her son Elijah. Around Thanksgiving, they found out that Elijah had a similar condition to our little Carter, so my heart has hurt for this family as they have anticipated the day that they too would get to meet and would have to say goodbye to their little boy.

Today became that day.

I do not want to tell Brittani's story for her, so I won't mention any details that surround her son's birth and their time together.  That's Brittani's story to tell. However, I do want to mention that she has traveled this road thus far with much grace, dependence on God, and openness in what she has been experiencing. I praise God that she has known His faithfulness like we did only a little over a year ago.

While I am confident God will continue to be faithful to this family, I have to be honest that I hurt deeply today. I hurt in part because I was there not that long ago, in that same hospital with the same nurses and doctors, having to say goodbye to my son. While I had inexplicable joy and peace in those moments, I would be lying if I said it was not mixed with the deepest pain possible. I feel a few of my bandaids have fallen off today.

But I also hurt for them. So deeply. I hurt that they have to experience that all-to-familiar pain in the weeks ahead. My heart groans because I don't have the words to express to God how I hurt for them. I'm glad God understands those groans and moans from deep within me, even when I don't myself.

So I write all of this to first of all ask that you too pray, groan, ache for my friend Brittani, her husband Kyle, and their other two children. Whether you have the words or not, please join me in supporting them. Pray that they might have inexplicable peace, joy, grace, and comfort now and in the days ahead. They need God's Church to show up now more than ever.

Secondly, I am reminded today of our own loss and God's continued faithfulness in our journey thus far - a journey that continues daily. I've been very busy the last several months and have neglected writing about Carter's ongoing story, how his life continues to impact our family. But "impact" almost doesn't do justice to how God uses Carter in our lives. Today is a reminder that I need to keep his story alive. I am not sure whether telling it is more for me or for God to use it in his wisdom, but I know I need to do it nonetheless.

So today is about hurting with the loss of these beautiful little boys, Carter and Elijah, and for the families they represent. I am glad God gives us room to feel this pain. And today is about continuing to claim that God is good and faithful. May we all know that in the deepest part of our souls.


  1. Thanks so much for this post, Sarah. I've been praying for you today right alongside the Schmidts. Perhaps no one coud speak to their pain better than you and Ben.

    When I saw little Elijah this morning, after he had passed, I did think about how Carter now had a new buddy in heaven and might have been one of the first to hug Elijah Korban, welcoming him to eternity.

  2. Sarah

    I truly admire your openness and translucency in the midst of such deep pain. I have shed many tears for you and brittani over the months... And upon hearing of elijahs birth the other day I thought of you and prayed for you as well. You both are incredible women of faith and I admire what you are letting God do in your life & the lives of those around you through your sons. I pray the Lord continues to remind me of your pain and to lift you and your family up to him. I am also praying that your new position there at Anderson is going well... I am sure you are a huge blessing to your residents!