A Letter from Us

The last couple weeks haven't been easy, and I haven't much felt like writing. It's kind of been a feeling of, "Where do I start?" However, we did want to be sure to post the following letter. For those of you who weren't able to be at Carter's celebration service on February 4, Ben and I wrote the following letter to our friends and family and had it read by one of our pastors during the service.
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Dear friends and family,

When we first learned of Carter’s condition, we looked at each other and said, “I can’t do this.” “This story was not supposed to be ours.” Had we left that ultrasound room and tried to walk this journey alone, without God’s grace and strength and the support of His Church, we couldn’t be here today with such an inexplicable mix of joy and sorrow in our hearts.

This journey has and will continue to be bittersweet. We’ve experienced more pain and deep sorrow than we knew possible. We think about the “what would have beens”: Carter and Cohen as best friends and playmates, perhaps even partners in crime. All of Carter’s “firsts.” We ask ourselves what personality he would have developed and what funny things he might have said and done. These thoughts break our hearts and will probably continue to do so for a long time.

But in this pain, we are accompanied by a sweetness. God has drawn us closer to Himself, reminding us that our loss is Carter’s gain. Life isn’t easy, and neither is parenting. Raising a child in an unpredictable world can be such a scary thing, so although we miss Carter, we feel God is stepping in and almost saying “Hey, Ben and Sarah, don’t worry about this one. I’ve got it covered.”

God’s peace is something we may never fully understand or grasp, but this journey has allowed us to experience it in a deeper way than we knew possible. God is so faithful, good, and loving. In that one hour we were able to spend with Carter before he passed, God orchestrated such a beautiful and sacred time with our son. We felt God’s presence in that delivery room as we held Carter; heard his sweet little cries; kissed him; watched as grandparents, aunts, and uncles snuggled him close; as Cohen touched his baby brother’s toes; and as Pastor Steve dedicated Carter to God. In that hour, Carter experienced more love than many people get in a lifetime.

So while it’s tempting to ask, “Why God? Why us?”, we think about that hour we had with Carter and simply reply, “Why not us?” Life is difficult, but God redeems the broken pieces. He creates something more sacred than what we could have ever put together ourselves. Our hearts mourn the loss of our son, but we know God has and will continue to demonstrate His faithfulness. We hope that everyone who hears about our baby boy will not walk away angry or bitter but instead will see God’s presence in the midst of pain in a very real and tangible way.

We also want to thank everyone for all your prayer and support. While we may appear brave at times, we have had (and will continue to have) many moments and days where we don’t know how to move forward, but we firmly believe that is where God fills our broken pieces with the prayers of His people. Thank you for walking beside us and making Carter’s life so special.

We love you all, 

Ben & Sarah